Top 5 Red Flags in Love

I think we’ve all been guilty of sometimes avoiding red flags, but I’m hoping with this post you’ll be more aware of these five if you see them when you begin dating someone.

A red flag is a behavior someone does that should alert you that something might be a little off with this person, and you might want to reconsider if you want things to move forward. Some flags are more pink (things that can be addressed) and some are more like neon flashing signs that scream you need to run.

Either way, the five I am talking about today should raise your alertness if you notice them in a potential partner. And if the partner does ALL of them… well, you need to go.

Red Flag Number One:

They call all their exes crazy or bitches or anything of the sort. You might be thinking “Why is that bad? They’re an ex for a reason!” Here’s the thing. I get if someone says that ONE of the people they dated might have had some inappropriate behaviors… but all of them? You have to wonder if all of them were “crazy” or all of them reacted in an appropriate way to maybe some crazy behavior HE did and he’s trying to gaslight them or the situation. If someone tries to put all the blame on someone else, not a good sign.

This is a similar situation to just the language that a man is using about women. Does he call women who have sex “whores”? Does he call that woman who cut him off driving a “cunt”? What he’s saying behind closed doors (or even in public) about exes or women in general is something that he could say about you if things go South. Be wary of the guy who calls all of his exes “crazy”.

Red Flag Number Two:

He treats people in the service industry rudely or with disrespect. Look for the way someone treats a barista. Or a waiter. Is he rude? A TERRIBLE tipper? Is he coming from a place of entitlement? Does he make a mess at the movie theaters, leave trash everywhere, and say something like “WHAT? It’s someone’s JOB to pick this up!”

Why is this significant? Because how someone treats the janitor or the busser tells you everything you need to know about them. These are PEOPLE. With lives. And their own challenges and obstacles. And you want the person that you spend the rest of your life with to treat them that way. With respect, and kindness, and empathy, the same way he would treat a Fortune 500 CEO.

This is a big one, and if he’s treating the kind waiter rudely on a first date, then there shouldn’t be a second.

Red Flag Number Three:

Never offering to take you on a proper date. If this guy is always just asking you to come over to hangout at his house (often times leading to sex), this a major red flag.

Why? Because he’s not willing to put in the effort to actually treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and people are doing their BEST to impress you in the beginning. So if he already isn’t doing anything to show you he cares, then it’s only getting worse from here.

Even in the time of quarantine, he can still show up for you in a meaningful way. You could do a Facetime date where he orders you food from a delivery service. He could buy you flowers and you could go on a walk. If you’re able to go over to his house to watch Netflix, then he’s able to treat you like you deserve to be pursued. Don’t let him try and use an excuse of being “busy”- if he wanted to make time he would.

Red Flag Number Four:

Love bombing. Love bombing is basically when someone showers you with love WAY TOO EARLY ON in dating. Insisting after one date that you go away on a weekend together, like… now. Sending three bouquets of flowers to your work. Saying things like “You’re perfect and I love everything about you” after a week of knowing you. Wanting to commit after a day of knowing you (or even a week).

This is often used to win over your trust, love, and affection so they can meet a need of their own. And trust me, they know it works. You’re most likely not the first person he’s done this with. Most often, love bombing is done by someone who is a narcissist with the intention of getting you interested and gaining control over you.

It all can seem very cinematic, and they’ll try and play into that too. Maybe even telling you this is just like the movies, or your love is something so unique. Again, all of these are ways to control you, get you vulnerable, and give this person complete control over the situation.

Red Flag Number Five:

They react poorly to you setting boundaries. Any type of boundaries. Whether that’s how often you’re willing to see them, how quickly you feel comfortable progressing the relationship, and sex.

If someone tries to make it out like you’re XYZ because of a boundary you set, big red flag. If they say things like “Oh it’s not a big deal” or “Wow you’re serious?” – NOPE. A person who genuinely cares about you and wants a relationship to work will not only respect your boundaries, but honor you for having them. They’ll be invested in making sure that you feel comfortable in any situation, and not try and sway you from the line you’ve set.

There are more red flags I could go into, maybe I’ll make a part two to this, but these are some of the top that if people were more aware of, could save them LOTS OF TIME in dating and relationships!

XOXO,