Forever or a Season?
We’re getting into how to know if the relationship you’re in is for forever or for a season!
So I had a lovely follower submit this request on one of my instagram polls, and I loved it. I talk so much about dating, so I thought it would be great to dive into a relationship centered question.
I think this is something a lot of people struggle with, and it seems to become more of a struggle the older people get. Think back, in college, people were much more likely to be like “…He grew out his mustache, so I had to end it…” whereas when people get older and all their friends are getting married, it sounds more like “He cheated on me for our entire relationship, but I think it’s fine, it’ll pass.”
Part of the problem is people hold on to the comfortability of a relationship because they think that mediocrity, or even a terrible relationship, is better than being single.
And I am here to tell you that that is SO FAR from the truth. Being single can be SO incredible if you’re doing it right and dating yourself the way you wish someone else would. So if you’re currently in a relationship and only staying because it’s somewhat comfortable and you’re worried about being single (or having to date again)- trust me, you’re doing yourself, and the other person, a disservice by staying.
So some ways to know if it’s time to consider moving on and calling this a “season” relationship rather than a “forever” relationship:
You’re arguing all the time, and feeling unsettled about it for longer afterwards than people typically would.
You don’t have that much fun together. You wouldn’t really say you enjoy spending time with them, and they’re not the first person you would choose to go on an outing.
You don’t love the idea of growing old with that person. It makes you feel uneasy.
You don’t feel secure in your relationship. You’re constantly anxious, sometimes to the point of nausea, and it feels mentally and emotionally draining.
You feel like your futures don’t really align. One of you has goals that mean the other person wouldn’t be able to accomplish their own. Someone really wants kids and someone really doesn’t. Someone really wants to get married and someone doesn’t.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking about your future with someone because you know it’s out of alignment or would cause problems, that probably means this is more of a relationship for a season and not forever.
Something I want to pose though for the other side of all of this is this:
Stop tripping up on the idea of “the one”- that messed me up for so long!
Always thinking there was going to be someone who was EXACTLY what I was looking for, who would COMPLETE ME who would make me feel “love at first sight” or an immediate “knowing”. And that’s just not it.
Forget the science of relationships, forget the coach in me- I’m going to tell you something from Ellie, as if I was talking to my best friend- because if you’re reading this, we basically are.
My relationship with Ben works because every day we choose for it to work. Every day I choose to enjoy my time with this man. I choose to look at all the amazing, kind, incredible things that he not only does for me, but that make up the man that he is. I celebrate those things. When he makes me laugh, when he shows his love in small ways, I take that in and am so grateful. I do my very best not to take anything for granted. And he does the same for me.
We laugh, constantly. We have so much fun, and I don’t feel there’s anything I can’t tell him. He’s my best friend, as corny as that sounds. Luckily, and unluckily for him sometimes!
If I got caught up in “the one”, Ben and I might not be together. Our love was a slow burn. And the reason I know that this one isn’t just a season, is because of the way I’ve seen him overcome obstacles. And support me when I have my own. Because the good times are easy. Those good seasons are easy for any couple to get through, right? But those hard ones. The ones where you both lose a job, can’t get unemployment, are inside together 24/7 (literally), someone breaks a foot (…2020 for us…) – those are the seasons to look at and see if you’re both somehow laughing through it and clinging to each other for support, or throwing each other under the bus and just hating your lives.
Because the first one tells you this has forever potential, and the second tells you this is best for a season.
I hope that answers your question, if any others came up for any of you after watching, feel free to shoot me a message! Also as a reminder, my Masterclass, How to Get the Ring Without Hating Being Single is happening SATURDAY, November 21st 2020 at 12 PM- I’ll post all the links, make sure you register ahead of time, and I can’t wait to see you there!
XOXO,
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