Why You Need to Have High Standards and Low Expectations

When dating, I want you to live by this phrase:

High standards, low expectations.

According to google, a “standard” is “a level of quality or attainment.”

Also according to Google, an expectation is “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.”

So WHY do we want to have high standards and low expectations? Let’s go into each, because often in dating people have these two flipped.

Having high standards means you know what you deserve.

You have done the work to get clear on what you want in a partner, and are confident enough to know that you’re not going to settle for anything less.

Having high standards means that you know your future partner will treat you like royalty. It means you know your future partner respects you, loves you, shows up for you, and always wants the best for you. 

You might have done a writing exercise where you wrote out your standards, and so now you’re very clear on how you will and won’t accept someone treating you.

Having low expectations means that you do not expect someone to meet your needs when dating.

You do not expect them to act a certain way, or be something for you that you want them to be.

Why is this important?

Because when you have expectations of someone who owes you nothing, you’re going to get let down. You’re going to get frustrated that people aren’t behaving the way you EXPECT them to, and you’re going to wish you could just force them to act the way you think they should. 

You’re going to start to live by this “ALL MEN ARE TERRIBLE” mentality because you put expectations on things that aren’t working out. It’s exhausting. 

What happens though when you approach the situation with high standards and low expectations is that when someone isn’t stepping up to your standards, it doesn’t phase you nearly as much.

You haven’t set expectations on this person, and so it’s much easier to walk away from this situation that doesn’t serve you. Because you have these high standards set, it’s easy to see when someone isn’t hitting them.

Instead of getting angry with them and wasting energy, you just gracefully move on. No hard feelings. No reason to curse an entire world of men because of the actions of one or a few.

You might end up moving on from dating people sooner. That is good. You will not be a match with 90% of people. The key is to stop wasting as much energy on those, and start being purposeful and intentional with how you’re finding, and treating, the 10%.

First, get clear on your standards. Make the list. You can look for inspiration online if you’re struggling.

Next, before going on a date, say this to yourself “I am going into this to see how I feel when with this person. I am not going to this date to impress them. I am not going into this to plan my wedding. I am going into this to see how it feels to be with this person.”

High standards, low expectations.

Most people automatically have low standards and high expectations. This looks like letting someone treat you terribly, a way that you wouldn’t want your friends knowing. This also looks like getting incredibly upset when after dating for two weeks they ghost you. There are so many ways this could show up, so I challenge you to really step back and think about if you relate to this. If this sounds like you, do the mindful activities I just talked about.

You might be surprised how this can transform your dating life and get you back on track!

XOXO,

3 thoughts on “High Standards, Low Expectations”

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