Why Your 2020 Might Not Have Sucked That Bad...

So let’s talk about 2020.

I know this year has been challenging for all of us. It’s been emotionally exhausting and there have been times where I personally have felt like I was in a dark place. I know this is the norm. I want to make this post about something bigger than just 2020 though. What I am going to go into in this blog can be applied to any situation or time in your life that feels hard.

What I am going to tell you about is the reason that I am where I am today. It’s the reason I have achieved what I have achieved, and it’s the reason I have such a positive outlook on life.

Let’s talk about reframing. So reframing is basically when you look at a situation, and change the way that you’ve been seeing it. 

You give it a different meaning.

If you grew up in a chaotic home like I did, then you can look back and be SO grateful for it. Why? Because without that environment, I wouldn’t be the strong, smart, resilient, and hard working person that I am now. I’m GRATEFUL that I had to go through that. It doesn’t mean that I want it for my own kids or anyone else, but it does mean that I know I have it to thank for my own success. I’m at an advantage in life because of it, not a disadvantage. But someone else in the same situation could treat it like a reason for them to not succeed. It’s the same situation, but the meaning you find in it completely changes the impact of it.

Another recent example from my own life might be this year when I was furloughed from my full time job. It was upsetting and I was frustrated because I had FINALLY just gotten into the swing of things. I was in sales, working mostly on commission, and not to toot my own horn, but I was doing pretty good! I was making HUGE payments on my student loans, and was working at it at a pace where I could have had them paid off in under a year. And then… Covid. I worked in the tourism industry, so that took a major hit. 

The way I was able to bounce back so quickly was because I reframed the situation in my mind. My motto and favorite quote has always been “Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor”- and so I looked at this situation and thought to myself, how is this a positive?

I was able to go completely all in on my business, and grow it to a place I NEVER would have been able to. I was able to spend MONTHS at home with my own family, and MONTHS with Ben’s. We grew these relationships that we never would have without this time off. Ben and I got to see what our relationship would be like spending A LOT of time together. Like, a lot. And we realized that we couldn’t imagine it any other way, and Ben proposed this year! By reframing, I was able to go from “Not making money, having to stay inside all the time, basically losing my job, having to cancel travel plans, not being able to see friends” to “This has been one of the best years of my life.” 

I know there has been massive loss. I know some of you might have lost a family member to this virus, and I don’t take any of that lightly. I know financially it has been destructive. And I know that there have been moments of incredible darkness. I say all of that, and I still know that there has been something positive to happen to you this year.

This reframing technique also works in relationships.

You could be in a relationship with someone for years and they break up with you. In that moment, it might feel like your world is crashing down. But if you try to reframe it, you might be able to see that this means you can move to that city you’ve been dying to. And get that new job. And eventually, when you are with your DREAM partner, you’ll look back and thank the universe that that relationship didn’t work out. We hear that all the time, right? Reframing just helps you get to that hindsight sooner because you’re deliberately searching for those positives sooner rather than later.

By getting really good at reframing, you’re building your muscle of resilience, and building your muscle of resilience is one of the best things you can do for your love life.

If you can look back at some of your most challenging moments in life and be like “Hell yeah, I overcame that”, then when your brain starts to yell things like “What if this date goes bad?? What if you’re awkward?? What if you breakup??” you can be like “Yeah. I’ve gone through XYZ, so this really aint shit!”

You can build that muscle now. Sit down and think about all the obstacles you’ve had in your life. The dark times. I recommend getting a journal or a piece of paper and a pen for this. Go through each one and think of at LEAST one good thing to come from it. Whether it was something you learned, or a situation that happened BECAUSE of the unfortunate event. Someone you met, or an opportunity that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. It might even be that now you can empathize and support others who went through a similar situation.

Try it with 2020. Because then, when you see all the memes at the end of this year like “THANK GOD THIS YEAR IS ALMOST OVER” you can look back and think about how maybe it wasn’t so bad after all.

Sending you lots of love, and I’ll talk to you next time!

XOXO,

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