Falling in Love Isn't One Size Fits All

Falling in Love Isn’t One Size Fits All

Ever heard the phrase “The one” or “When you know, you know”?

I think these two tend to get mixed up a lot, and it was super problematic for me when I started dating my current boyfriend. Because with him, I didn’t know within the first month or two of us dating if he was “the one”. And I was a little thrown off by that, because I had heard so many times things like “I just knew” or “It was love at first sight”. Was something wrong with me??

No.

Nothing was wrong with me, and eventually I began to interpret the phrase, “When you know, you know” differently (why hadn’t someone shared this perspective with me sooner??). Of course people who are happily married are going to say that! Because eventually, you’ll know! The phrase they’re saying isn’t “When you know, you know *on the first date*”. We put so much pressure on this idea of how the “perfect relationship” begins and what it’ll look like, and by doing so we might be throwing away something that could actually be really amazing.

But then what about the people who do say they knew right away?

Well, another thing to take into account is that we are all individuals with unique life experiences, and because of that, it becomes clear that we will also fall in love differently as well. **Attachment styles also have a huge part in this, and you should definitely watch my video “Why They Could Be Perfect For You- Even Without the Butterflies” if you haven’t yet** Anyways, people are going to need different things to feel like they are in love with someone, so we shouldn’t expect it to look the same in every situation. For myself, it takes a while to warm up to people, and it takes a really long time to trust them. So no matter WHO I have dated, I’ve never really felt that “Love at first sight” or immediately knowing that they’re my person.

And for so long I thought it was just because I hadn’t MET THEM YET.

Yikes.

I had this realization with my current boyfriend. I always was super into him. But it took awhile for me to be sure about that guy. I had to see how he was with my dog and around his friends. How does he treat the people closest to him? How does he overcome adversity? Does he get mad when I eat all the chocolate? What’s he like when we disagree? Can he accomplish things he puts his mind to? It goes on and on, and these things came out slowly! Each time we hung out, each argument, each time we visited family, I gradually came to love this man that makes me one of those people who says “When you know, you know.”

So if I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to have less expectations about what falling in love looks like, and about how you’ll feel when “the one” comes into your life. Because if you keep with the idea that it looks the same for everyone, you’re never going to find the right fit.